The #1 Thing Holding Your Happiness Back

It’s time to free yourself from this prison.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Alfaz Sayed on Unsplash

If you don’t know, I get a lot of messages from my followers. I’m grateful to help and quite honored to do it too.

Sometimes there are very specific problems and other times, I see themes.

This is a massive theme I see in my inbox pretty much on a daily basis. It resonated with me and I’m sure it will with you too.

So I’ve decided to address it head on. I’m sure I’ll write more posts and record more podcasts on this topic in the future too.

The Perception of Others

One of the biggest reasons why people are not happy is because they are too busy trying to gain the approval of other people. Other people’s POV (Points of View) have way too much importance to them.

They are SO concerned by the opinions of others and are constantly seeking validation in order to feel good and that winds up holding them back.

I understand and I grew up that way.

Now that I’m older? I don’t get it.

Why? Why try to win over other people? What purpose does it serve?

Morphing who your are in order to be accepted? Nope. You’ll never be happy that way. Instead? You’ll constantly feel like you’re jumping through hoops and walking on eggshells.

I don’t know about you, but that’s not how I want to live my life.

Also, there’s a difference between wanting to do a good job at work so you’re seen in a good light versus desperately yearning and craving to be liked by your boss, co-workers or friends at school, etc.

Living for the approval of other people is…..kind of pathetic.

They could approve of you one day and then disapprove of you the next. That isn’t lasting validation at all.

So, what do you do?

Just like with anything in life, it takes practice. You have to start allowing yourself to remember that YOU are a person too. What about your approval? Are you living the life you want?

If you’re seeking the approval of others, then no. You aren’t. And you never will unless you switch up the mainframe.

You have unintentionally put yourself in a prison of your own creation. It’s time to pull a “Shawshank.”

You Can’t Sit With Us

I don’t want it to seem like I don’t understand. Trust me, I do.

Growing up and going through elementary school and high school, I was involved in both sports and theater. I felt I never fully “fit in” to either of those realms and was constantly wanting — craving actually — to be liked and accepted. I would say and do anything to be included and gained my validation from whether or not I was in the “cool” crowd.

I was playing a part without being onstage.

I developed characters in my real life, like a chameleon, blending into the environment I found myself in. My walk would change, how I spoke, and even who I associated with. It was pathetic.

Thankfully, I grew up and eventually gained self-awareness and realized how exhausting that was and my ego was deceiving me.

What’s ironic is that when I stopped caring so much about what other people thought? More people started gravitating towards me.

When I stopped caring if people “liked” me? I was liked more. When I stopped seeking respect from others? I wound up earning it.

“You will never gain anyone’s approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.” — Mandy Hale

Embrace Yourself

You see, it’s so important to embrace who you are. To fully be who and what you are.

Covering that up with different masks or facades is not only exhausting, but it’s insincere. You’ll be living a lie. Not living a life.

Not everyone is going to like you and that’s ok. They’re not supposed to.

What matters is do you like you? If not, then you can create a plan and work towards becoming who and what you want to be.

You can jump through hoops and walk on eggshells and still not be liked by those people who you desperately want the approval of.

So, you might as well embrace yourself just be you. Give yourself a big hug, faults and all, and love yourself a little bit more.

Then, after you’ve given yourself a massive hug, focus on your approval of you.

What do you want? Who do you want to be? What qualities in humans are attractive to you?

When you start asking these types of questions, you’ve shifted your perception from focusing on everything outside of you to focusing on the inside.

That’s where all change happens. Focus more on you and less on everyone else.

“The people who receive the most approval in life are the ones who care the least about it–so technically, if you want the approval of others, you need to stop caring about it.” — Wayne Dyer

Final Thoughts

I understand that being liked feels good. It’s not like we have a desire to be hated.

However, if your personal validation (and worthiness) is dependent on the approval of others, you will need constant reassurance.

Reassure yourself. Their approval, or disapproval, doesn’t matter.

I don’t care who it is. Whether it’s your mother or family members, teachers or bosses, etc. It doesn’t matter. Stop trying to live life on their terms and live it on your terms!

It’s your life, not theirs. So stop living how they want you to. Cut out the toxicity and make your way towards freedom and most importantly, happiness.

Join my email list to receive a free eBook and to level up.

Written by

Actor. Motivator. Martial Artist. Fitness Freak. Creator of

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store